Tuesday, February 9, 2010

When The Saints Go Marching In......

A week is a long time in football indeed. I mean in either proper football or American football. With the deluge of high profile events since I last posted here, it’d seem like eternity but it’s only been just over a week. John Terry has lost his England captaincy and generally been treated like a pariah by the British media, Arsenal’s kids have received the second part of their annual sodomy by Didier Drogba, Wayne Rooney has made firm claims to the ‘best player in the world’ title and the New Orleans Saints have gone from outsiders to win the Superbowl by a comprehensive beating of the Indianapolis Colts. If the last part sounds gibberish to you, your brain is working fine – it’s American football after all.

Superbowl XLIV

You know what, the Superbowl isn’t half bad. It generates so much excitement that I got about forty emails inviting me to Superbowl parties; half from people who I genuinely know don’t like my guts much. In that sense, it’s like proper football. It unites this often racially / culturally split place. Or does it? I ended up watching the game in the house of one of my African classmates. It was his birthday as well so Superbowl XLIV provided the perfect occasion to host his African kins. Hang out with a bunch of guys speaking American slang, drinking Bud Light and eating nachos or go drink Guinness, eat grilled pork with Kelewele and crack Twi jokes? Easy decision. I was however intrigued by how my friends were deciding on which team to support for the night. One backed the Colts because he had a bet on them (fair shout), a few more went with the Colts because Indy had a black coach and the majority rooted for the Saints because New Orleans has a bigger black community than Indianapolis. Irrationality all round, but I guess sports has nothing to do with PHIL 101. In keeping with the sentimental choices around me, I offered my support to the Saints because they were the underdogs according to the experts, and I hate sports experts. Good reason? I don’t know and I don’t care. All I care about is that it worked, and the Saints defied the experts to thump the Colts 31-17, with this touchdown as the cherry on top.

How is the Superbowl not like the Champions’ League final? Many ways, but the most irritating one is the ads that run every other minute. Seriously, imagine Barcelona vs Man Utd being interrupted every now and then for ridiculous commercials like this one. For the organizers though, I don’t think it is in any way ridiculous. It is reported that each 30-second commercial costs about $3.0 mmillion. Little wonder then that the Glazers are struggling to manage Man Utd’s finances. Such extreme commercialization just can’t be achieved in proper football without destroying the soul of the beautiful game.

Arsene Wenger & Football Basics

That Didier Drogba re-played his role as the scourge of Arsenal in the latest episode of “Men vs Boys” doesn’t surprise anyone. What surprises some of us fans is the consistency of Arsene Wenger’s whingeing. Nobody likes to lose, granted, but most of the times it is best to accept defeat with good grace. That way you can work to improve areas in which you’re weak. Not with the erudite Arsene Wenger. His complaints about Chelsea not doing anything but just win are stale and dare I say, retarded. Football has a clear set of rules to distinguish losers from winners. To win, you just have to score more than the opposition – simple. The best comment about what football is all about, I found this week, was made by paulielogic, posting on on BBC’s 606 message boards: “football fans do cheer nice tricks and clever passes, but the biggest cheer is saved for the ball hitting the back of the net”. Brutally true and something for Mr. Wenger to ponder about.

Of John Terry, Men and Cheating

I think Fabio Capello made the right decision in stripping John Terry of the England captaincy but erred in passing it to Rio Ferdinand. That’s the football equivalent of saying I don’t watch pornography but don’t mind visiting strip clubs. If he wants a truly sanctimonious person to be England captain, he should look to Jesus Christ. If he can’t find him, he should hand the armband to Frank Lampard. Oh wait – he abandoned his four year old child to his wife and deserted the family home. See, every footballer (make that human being) has his faults. That’s why I believe the famously caustic British media did not treat Terry well to begin with.

My opinion on cheating is this: every man will do it, situation permitting. Does society honestly expect men not to cheat? Like really, really? I’m still very young, but have experimented with my sexuality enough to understand this: a man is hard-wired to want his genes to survive in this world. His chance of this increases with the many different women he makes babies with. How does he make babies with them? If you said sleep with them, you’re following nicely. To this end, he is always looking for sexual opportunity and seeks out sexual variety. Of course society has advanced and one now has greater control over the survival of his progeny than in times past. One therefore does not have to go round sleeping with every woman. It however doesn’t mean that a man has all of a sudden lost this desire to sleep with a woman his natures tell him will make good babies for him. Clear? I hope so. If not get a copy of Alfred Kinsey’s seminal work on sexual behavior among males. What then should a woman do for his husband not to cheat? Pray. Literally. Of course, men do have fiduciary responsibilities to their wives, not to hurt them in any way, including cheating on them. That is why it is so distasteful when a man gets caught cheating on his wife. The effects can be devastating and I agree that we should use our best judgement.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Not impressed by Angola 2010

The 27th African Cup of Nations is going to be memorable for a long time to come. A tournament that promised so much will forever be remembered for the rebel attack on the Togolese team which preceded the event. I really feel sorry for Egypt, who delivered a masterful performance on their way to winning the cup for an unprecedented 7th time. My wish is that the sheer class of this Egyptian side will not be lost on genuine footie fans. Best attack with 15 goals, 2 against for best defence, 6 out of 6 wins, best player of the tournament, best goalkeeper, top goalscorer, discovery of the tournament, 19 CAN matches unbeaten, 3 consecutive trophies. I don’t think there will be a more comprehensive dominance of an international tournament in our lifetime!!!!

The might of the Pharaohs aside, the football was not of the highest quality we have come to expect at Nations’ Cups. Too many of the star players just did not turn up. Watching Yakubu Aiyegbeni lumbering around the pitch like a replete Kung-Fu Panda, I wondered if these stars may well have been left to be with their clubs. It was definite justice that the two teams who clearly had the players enthused about the tournamnet made it to the finals. Unbelievable goalkeeping howlers, shocking misses, stray passes – you’d struggle to find any more of these at a major international tourney than was witnessed in Angola.

Let's take a look at the winners and many losers at this particularly tainted CAN:

The Player: AHMED HASSAN. Inspirational figure and the embodiment of everything good about the Egyptian national team: technique, stamina, grit, passion, level headedness. I challenge each of us to watch a replay of the time between Cameroun’s goal and Egypt’s equalizer in their quarter final clash. Those few minutes were an amazing testimony to bouncing back when you get knocked down. I hope guys like Sulley Muntari were watching.

The Team: With huge respect for the surprise success of Ghana’s kids, I’d have to hand this over to the EGYPTIANS. In the Egypt-Algeria semi final, I came to appreciate the proverb: “form is temporary, class is permanent”. Algeria lost the plot completely while Egypt simply just kept playing the football, right until the end. They went on to trounce their bitter rivals, all just for keeping their cool. Pure Class.

The Game: Angola 4 -4 Mali. Many candidates here, including the aforementioned semi-final and the Algeria-Cote d’Ivoire quarter final. I think the opening game edges them all for the shock factor and a demonstration of the unpredictability that makes our game so beautiful.

The Goal: Kader Keita vs Algeria. Seeing is believing.

The Clowns: Emmanuel Eboue vs Ghana and Nadir Belhadj vs Egypt. What were they thinking??

The farcical: Algeria 0-0 Angola. This was scandalous. The most annoying thing however is that it is perfectly legal and no action can be taken against either side. Tough luck, Mali. Next time take your destiny into your own hands!!

The bottlers: The Elephants. How this team manages to wow so much and disappoint so wildly is beyond me. I am one of those who were utterly seduced by the glamour of their stars and left clutching my face in shame. Lesson for the players among us: the hottest girl at the bar may not be the werewolf you’ve been dreaming her to be. Spare yourself.

The handsome: Renard Herve. A coach so ripped you could see his abs creating corrugations on the front of his shirt. A woman’s dream and a lazy guy’s nightmare.

The beautiful: Ana Paula dos Santos. Some men are born lucky and some men are born as Jose Eduardo dos Santos!!

The ugly: All the referees and assistants. Seriously, did anybody see a good looking referee at this tournament? Exemplified by Coffi Codjia, the referees were uglier than their outrageous calls.

The fashion sense: Alain Giresse. There is something always right about wearing a pair of hard khaki pants, a well pressed shirt and a blazer that was cut for just you. The Gabonese head coach brings business casual attire in emphatic style to a sport that is both business and casual.

The nonsensical: CAF. All of the officials. First, they fail to correctly identify the security issues inherent in Cabinda. Second, they fail to offer the Togolese team any support whatsoever. To rub salt into wounds, they ban the Hawks from the next two subsequent CANs, in a stupid show of power.

The Best XI (4-1-2-1-2) : El Hadary (Egy), Bougherra (Alg), Goma (Egy), Inkoom (Gha), Tiene (CIV), Song (Cam), Hassan (Egy), Ziani (Alg), Asamoah (Gha), Gyan (Gha), Gedo (Egy).

The coach: Hassan Shehata. Living Legend.

That’s it for CAN Angola 2010 then. Let me know what you think. In the meantime, I'll get ready for my first Super Bowl weekend experience, wondering what it has on Champions’ League final day.